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[ilqaras]

"I apologise for missing you. Leave a message, and I will get back to you at my earliest convenience."

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[ilqaras]

Talk to me. I want to help.

[judgementor]

[It takes a good few minutes for a reply to come back.]

I bit Steak.
We were in bed together, I lost control... and I bit him.

[ilqaras]

[knowing just how much self control Red Wine usually has when it comes to biting and how much of an anxiety of what could come out of it, Dohalim takes a moment or two to answer back]

I see... He hasn't distanced himself from you, has he? Have the both of you spoken about it?

[judgementor]

He hasn't.
And we have.
Steak and I have stood side by side for over two hundred years and he has never taken my fears seriously, but he handled it delicately.

But now I don't know if I can say it won't happen again.
I don't want to hurt you, Do.

[ilqaras]

If I may be so bold to say, you won't. I don't know you as well as Steak does, I'll admit, but I know you well enough that I know you won't. That much I believe in.

Let me help you through this. But don't let this fear pull you away from me.

[judgementor]

I don't want to let it. That's why I contacted you to begin with.

[ilqaras]

I'm glad you did. I care about you too much to let you go. And don't think for a second that this lessens my love for you, either. Everyone slips once in a while; no one is perfect.

[judgementor]

This wasn't just a little slip.

Do you remember what I told you about Fallen Angels?
I never told you that Food Souls can become them as well.

[ilqaras]

Do you think you would become one so easily?Would you let yourself give into such a temptation?

[judgementor]

I know that I could.
It has almost happened to me once before.

[ilqaras]

And yet, here you are, not as a Fallen Angel, but as yourself. I doubt you are so weak willed that you would let yourself fall.

[judgementor]

[There's another long pause.]

You sound just like him.

[ilqaras]

But are we wrong?

[judgementor]

You have no idea how it feels to not have your fears taken seriously for over two hundred years.
To be told you won't turn into a monster because you're not so weak as that and yet feeling it clawing at you every time you smell a drop of blood on the air.
To be afraid that one day you'll finally snap and hurt everyone around you.

And now it's happened. And I'm terrified. I don't know what to expect next. And you're using the same words he has used to dismiss me for TWO HUNDRED YEARS.

[ilqaras]

I was, and am not, dismissing your fears. I apologise for making it sound like I am.

But what would you like me to say? Would you prefer that I stand in the shadow of fear of what you think you could possibly do to me? Would you like me to say that I'm scared? Or would you prefer that I tell you that you should live in fear of something that I believe will not happen to you?

Red Wine, I understand that fear. I've hurt those close to me. I've killed someone close to me. I let myself slip and hurt others because of my own lack of self control.

[he could continue on that train of thought, but Dohalim also knows that this is absolutely not the time or place for that]

I'm not trying to dismiss your fears, or not take them seriously. I'd said those things because I simply believe that you would not give into those temptations so easily. And I have a feeling that Steak believes the same.

[judgementor]

I shouldn't have said anything.

[ilqaras]

And it's because you say this the reason why you should have and did.

I have more than half a mind to come see you right now. I won't let you pull yourself away.

[judgementor]

[Dohalim won't get a reply. Red Wine doesn't trust himself not to say something hurtful.

Shouldn't have said anything. Stupid.]

[ilqaras]

[well then it looks like Dohalim is going on a late night adventure to go find his dumb mans. for someone who usually second guesses his own decisions on what he wants and doesn't want, he's solidly made up his mind on this one.

so Red Wine shouldn't be surprised when he hears a knock on his door a while later. he can't let this go. his heart hurts for Red Wine, and right now he needs the company, as much as he probably thinks he doesn't]

[judgementor]

[He doesn't expect Dohalim to come and find him because everything he knows about the man tells him that he won't. Everything that he thinks he knows tells him that Dohalim will simply agonise over having upset him or angered him and maybe that would be better, because maybe the less people who were close to him right now the better.

But when there's a knock, he doesn't need to guess who it might be. Steak doesn't knock.

He could ignore it, but he expects Dohalim might break down the door if he does. So he opens the door and stands there stiffly, unsure, his gaze wavering its way up from Dohalim's collar bone to his eyes.

And he crumbles, immediately, wrapping his arms tightly around the other man and pressing his face against his shoulder as a muted sob hiccups out of his chest.]

[ilqaras]

[he wouldn't have tried to break the door down. no, he'd do something more stupid, like camp out in front of said door until Red Wine either let him in or he was shooed away. either way, he would not have returned home for the rest of the night.

and seeing the other man in such a state, so different than how he usually carries himself, tells Dohalim that coming to see him was the right thing to do. more so when Red Wine pulls him in a desperate embrace, and when he hears that sob. his own arms instantly come up to hold onto the Food Soul, one hand pushed into his hair, and the other rubbing gentle circles on his back]

[judgementor]

[The tips of his ears dip down low as he digs his fingers into the back of Dohalim's clothes and gulps in a few deep breaths. It's embarrassing to be seen like this - to even be like this - and it hasn't been like this the entire time. The fear and anxiety comes and goes in waves. Dohalim sounding exactly like Steak had just triggered a predictable downswing.]

I'm sorry.

[It's hard to say what he's sorry for. His anger? The state he's in right now? Maybe both, or something else entirely.]

I shouldn't have said anything. It wasn't something you needed to know.

[ilqaras]

You have nothing to be sorry for.

[Dohalim's voice is soft, but even, but tinged with a subtle tone of remorse]

I should be the one apologising to you. Like I said, I did not want to make it seem like I was dismissing you, but I've managed to make it sound like I did.

[while he's been better, it seems like he still has a slight lack of filter sometimes. and he's gone and hurt Red Wine because of his words again. he's not surprised at the man's anger, it's warranted]

I asked you to talk to me. I'm glad you did. And if you want to talk more, I am willing to be a listening ear. If you want to get angry with me, I will accept your anger. It's alright.

[judgementor]

I don't want to be angry with you.

[The truth of it is that he doesn't often let people in like that. He prefers to keep his troubles to himself and deal with them privately if he can, as much as he can, but with the level of intimacy that he and Dohalim enjoy he had felt it only wise to warn him ahead of time that something might happen.

He hadn't expected that the same words he had been hearing for two centuries would come from somebody who wasn't Steak.

Red Wine shakes his head a little against Dohalim's shoulder and sighs, relaxing slightly into the scent and solid presence of him. Does he want to talk about it? No more than he did when Dohalim first asked that question.]

It's difficult to know what to think of myself, right now. [Another quiet sigh. He pulls back enough to look Dohalim in the eyes.] I always hoped it wouldn't happen. That I'd be able to control it.

[ilqaras]

[as they pull away enough for Dohalim to look back at Red Wine, he lifts a hand to gently cup the man's face his thumb gently rubbing against his cheekbone. there are many things he could say to Red Wine, affirmations of what he thinks the man is to him, but he doesn't want to set him off again. he said he'd be a listening ear, so that's exactly what he'll do.

but Dohalim doesn't want to walk on eggshells around him, and he's sure that the Food Soul doesn't want that, either]

But now that it has... How would you like to move forward with it? What would you like your next step to be?